Can You See Your Own Madness?

There is a quiet kind of freedom in catching your own mind at its tricks. Not fixing it. Just seeing it, and maybe having a little laugh.

In this video

• 0:10 Wake up, we’ve done enough of dreaming
• 0:36 Are you seeing your patterns?
• 0:45 Waking up emotional, and why that’s good
• 1:19 Chris wakes up with the hump
• 2:00 Is it me? Am I to blame?
• 2:31 My job is to make the whole world happy
• 3:13 When the ego defends its madness
• 4:11 What mad patterns have you got?
• 4:55 Every time you see it, you get smarter

“We’ve done enough of dreaming”

I start this one by saying “wake up” five times, and then: “We’ve done enough of dreaming.” The dreaming I mean is the one we do with our eyes open. Dreaming in your head. “Dreaming the world through the ego. God, what a poisonous world it makes.” So the question is a simple one. “You seeing your patterns? You seeing your ego work?” Because the ego isn’t some distant theory. It turns up most mornings, usually before the kettle has boiled. I caught mine that very morning. A lot of people in the group had woken up a bit emotional, a bit irritated or anxious, and I said that was good. It meant we were being prepared for the day’s work, which was all about transmuting that shadow. Feelings showing up aren’t a problem. They’re the material.

Is it me? Am I to blame?

Here is how I caught mine. Chris woke up with the hump. Fortunately she’s pretty good at this by now. She could see it was in her, and she couldn’t pin it on anything in particular, which I think is rather good going. But my ego’s first response was this: “Is it me? Am I to blame here? What did I do?” She had just told me she didn’t know why. It was probably just energy coming out. And still, there was my mind, rushing in to make it about me. That is the deeply rooted ego power at work. When I asked if anyone else had that one, someone in the group said it straight away: “It’s my fault.” Another version came up too. “My job is to make the whole world happy.” Good luck with that. It’s layers of ego conditioning. I’ve got to please everybody. Well, they won’t all be pleased. So you may as well give up.

Stay mad, if you like

When these traits show themselves it can be painful, especially as the ego wants to cling on to them and defend its madness. “I’m right to be mad.” Fair enough. “Stay mad then, that’s fine. But the awareness is that’s insane.” That’s the whole trick, really. You don’t have to argue with the pattern or beat yourself up about it. You just see it for what it is. And once you’ve seen it, it has a lot less power over you.

Celebrate every one you catch

I’m sure there are “layers and layers and layers and layers of insanity and stupidity to uncover.” That isn’t bad news. Each one you see, celebrate. Yes, the first thought might be, “Oh God, I’ve been such an idiot again.” But look at what has just happened. “Every time you realise how stupid you’ve been, you have just got smarter. Celebrate that.” So, what sort of mad patterns have you got? Have a look today. Be kind about it. A bit of a smile helps.

Come and practise with us

This talk was recorded with a group in the middle of a day’s practice, and that’s often where this stuff really lands: in good company, with time and space to notice what’s going on inside. Our weekend retreats in Burwell give you exactly that, a chance to step out of the noise and get out of your head and into your life. If you’ve been on retreat with us before, you’re always welcome at our free weekly Zoom class, every Tuesday at 7.30pm. Bring your mad patterns. We all have plenty. Adrian

In short

Your mind has habits, such as jumping to “Is it me? Am I to blame?” or trying to make everyone happy. You don’t need to fight them. Just notice them, have a little laugh, and celebrate each one you catch.

Questions people ask

What does “see your own madness” mean?

It means noticing the everyday loop of thoughts that runs on autopilot, like blaming yourself or arguing with someone who isn’t in the room.

Should I try to stop these thoughts?

No. Seeing a pattern clearly is enough to loosen it. As Adrian says, “Stay mad then, that’s fine. But the awareness is that’s insane.”

Why celebrate catching a mistake?

“Every time you realise how stupid you’ve been, you have just got smarter.” Each pattern you spot is progress, not failure.

Where can I practise this?

On a weekend retreat at Burwell House, and past guests can join the free Zoom class every Tuesday at 7.30pm.